As I sit here at my desk at The Family Pet, watching the snow fall one day before our Paws with Claus photo event, I'm considering how exactly Santa deals with our four-legged friends who are waiting for him as he slides down the chimney and emerges from the fireplace.

Think about it: Every year, Santa Claus braves blizzards, subzero temperatures, and poorly-lit chimneys to deliver gifts around the world. But what he’s really unprepared for? Your pets. Forget the naughty kids; the real holiday hooligans have four legs, fur, feathers, or a penchant for chewing things they shouldn’t.

Take dogs, for instance. Santa lands on your roof, squeezes down the chimney, and dusts off his iconic red suit. But the moment he steps into your living room, it’s game over. Your Labrador has smelled him coming from two blocks away and is waiting like a furry batter at home plate. With one enthusiastic leap, Santa is pinned to the floor, his glasses askew, and his beard now covered in drool. Meanwhile, the dachshund has wiggled into Santa’s sack, dragging out squeaky toys meant for other kids. There’s no recovering from that level of slobbery chaos.

Then there are cats. If Santa thinks he’s safe once he escapes the dogs, he’s dead wrong. Cats are the stealth ninjas of Christmas, and Santa’s arrival is a personal invitation to wreak havoc. His jingling sleigh bells? Catnip. His fuzzy white beard? An irresistible scratching post. And let’s not forget the tree, which your cat has already turned into its personal jungle gym. By the time Santa finishes wrestling an angry tabby off his hat, he’s lost a glove, some pride, and probably the spirit of Christmas.

But it doesn’t stop there. Small pets like hamsters, guinea pigs, and rabbits may seem harmless, but don’t let their size fool you. That carrot you lovingly left out for Rudolph? Your rabbit has claimed it as a midnight snack. While Santa’s distracted by the trail of shredded wrapping paper left by your hamster’s jailbreak, your guinea pig is chewing through the hem of his coat. The result? One very confused Santa and pets smugly thinking they’ve pulled off the heist of the century.

And let’s not overlook the exotic pet crowd. Got a parrot? Santa might not be prepared for the bird screeching, “INTRUDER! INTRUDER!” at 3 a.m. Got a snake? Imagine Santa reaching into his sack for a toy only to find your python coiled up for a cozy nap. And if you have ferrets, well, let’s just say Santa won’t be leaving with his boots, belt, or dignity intact.

Even fish manage to add to the pandemonium. While Santa’s cleaning hamster shavings out of his pockets, your goldfish are side-eyeing him like they’re judging his life choices. Did he leave the tank light on for them? Nope. Rude.

By the time Santa escapes your house, he’s exhausted, fur-covered, and seriously considering early retirement. As he trudges back to his sleigh, he mutters under his breath, “Next year, everyone gets gift cards.”

So this Christmas, as you leave out milk and cookies for the big guy, consider adding a warning sign: “Proceed with caution. Pets inside. Happy holidays, Santa—you’re gonna need it.”

See you all tomorrow at The Family Pet, for Paws with Claus!